Submission is sexy actually

That Sabrina Carpenter cover, Spinal Tap, the untold stories and exploitation of women in music, S&M and the unserious nature of pop culture

I never thought it would happen to me. But here I am at 39 years old and I am now at that age where I do not know who a lot of celebrities and musicians are anymore. I remember when my mum would ask me “Charlotte do you know who this person is?” and I would roll my eyes and be like “omggg that’s that popstar duhhh” and would think, I will never be like this, I will always keep up with pop culture. Now if I need to know what or who someone is I text my nephews (who btw reply to me like a situationship boy who fucking hates me and only replies with one word). Occasionally I will ask some younger friends on the internet. For example, I recently found out that Addison Rae is in fact a singer and not Addison Lee the London based car hire and courier company. 

Despite trying to be less online, I have still been bombarded with the backlash to the new Sabrina Carpenter album cover art. I don’t think I have ever listened to a Sabrina Carpenter song in my life. I am vaguely aware of her and that she simulated sucking someone off on stage (love it). But when I saw this photo my first thought was THIS IS ICONIC. It is giving a Roxy Music album cover, its giving Debbie Harry in the early 80’s, its giving Robert Palmer ‘addicted to love’ music video. I am highly into it. But the entire media and internet are fucking disgusted apparently.

Pictured above: Roxy Music ‘Country Life’ / The Strokes ‘Is This It’ / The Jimi Hendrix Experience ‘Electric Ladyland’ / Jane’s Addiction ‘Ritual De Lo Habitual’

Overtly sexual controversial album covers are not new. The most famous ones, or rather the ones that come to my mind are; ‘Country Life’ by Roxy Music, ‘Is This It’ by The Strokes, Jimi Hendrix's ‘Electric LadyLand’ and finally Ritual De Lo Habitual by Jane's Addiction. As you may have noticed all the bands and musicians I have mentioned (and the other unmentioned majority of bands with controversial album art) are made up of entirely male members. Not a woman in sight, except naked on these covers. 

Ritual De Lo Habitual is probably one of my top three favourite albums. Though as what is now becoming the norm, it is problematic in the worst way. The cover depicts a sculpture of lead singer Perry Farrell, Casey Niccoli and Xiola Bleu, all naked, having a three some after a three day bender on heroin. Perry Farrell is credited to have made the mixed media sculpture for this album cover, but it was in fact Casey Niccoli (Farrell's girlfriend at the time) who made it. In fact Casey was also the bands muse, collaborator, subject of the song ‘Classic Girl’ and even the bands music video director, but has never been credited with any of this until very recently. I could go on about this subject and the exploitation of both Casey and Xiola Bleu (who was 14 at this time and also Perry’s cousin) who not only is prominently depicted on the album cover, but was also the subject of the  song Three Days and also a song literally called ‘Xiola” by Farrells previous band Psi Com. But this is not a Perry Farrell/Jane’s essay, so if you want to know more, you can read about it here in a piece written by Casey herself. (Please check out Casey’s instagram and support her art!) 

I have read a few articles about this Sabrina Carpenter photo and don’t really want to repeat the same opinions to this already oversaturated particular discourse. But very obviously Sabrina is not the first woman to cause controversy with owning her sexuality with regards to album covers and music videos. It goes back decades. From Britney, Megan Thee Stallion, Grace Jones, Madonna to Gaga to Rihanna, and these are only naming a few women artists who have all done far more explicit and controversial photoshoots, editorials and album covers. Media or arguably art, that unlike the male centric bands, have all received heavy criticism.

Pictured above: Madonna in her book ‘SEX’ / Lil Kim promo art for her album ‘Hard Core’ / Lady Gaga, Nobuyoshi Araki Photo Shoot / Rihanna in her ‘S&M’ music video

The discourse has been framed in a couple of different ways, like “is this just another right wing reactionary knee jerk?” “It's misogyny!” “women expressing their sexuality are repressed and always slut shamed in the media!” “It’s another Britney Spears being called a bad role model, it’s the Disney stars rebelling and doing a Miley Cyrus” and you know what? These opinions are not wrong. The discourse has also touched on the undeniable massive back peddle into right wing conservatism, the seemingly welcome regression of women's rights, the trad wife phenomenon and the apparent Gen Z puritanism. Opinions on social media tell us that the public has rejected any sort of progressiveness and this is a woman being submissive, subservient and that is not only wrong but sexist. In fact she is doing a disservice to feminism. Not all of these are wrong, I think there is a lot of truth in some of these opinions too. But I want to look at this dreaded discourse through a slightly different lens. 

Roxy Music’s ‘For Your Pleasure’ album cover

Firstly I would bet my life savings (£3) this is pastiche. Sabrina is leaning IN to the stereotypical overtly sexual popstar that she has been branded as, and you know what? I not only imagine but hope and pray that she is absolutely rolling around in glee at the free press this has given the album. But let’s go back to my pastiche theory, because despite thinking about Robert Palmer and Roxy Musics ‘For Your Pleasure’ when I saw the photo, I was also reminded of something else; ‘Smell the glove’ by Spinal Tap. I am convinced that this is a pretty spot on take of what the ‘how much more black could this be? And the answer is None: None...more black’ album cover should have looked like. If you haven’t seen Spinal Tap, you should remedy that immediately. I am not going to explain it to you in depth, but just know it is a mockumentary on the kind of misogynistic awful hair metal bands of the 80’s. Smell the glove is a very typical depiction of the kind of album covers at the time. 

The iconic Fran Drescher in ‘This is Spinal Tap’ discussing the bands new album ‘Smell The Glove’ album art

Secondly, Sabrina's cover art depicts herself in a very typical S&M/BDSM/Dom sub position. Whether it’s pastiche or ‘we live in a society’ comment, the picture undeniably portrays a woman being submissive in a sexual context; hair being pulled, on all fours. If you aren’t familiar with power dynamics within the kink/BDSM community (and you should be if you read my substacks) then I will let you in on a dirty little secret… The submissive party is the one who holds all the control, and not in fact the Dominant one. In order to exchange power, literally giving up some or all (depending on your kinks) autonomy and telling someone that they have dominance over you, means that you, the submissive, have made that decision, consensually. You have given up the power and handed it over. No one took it from you. You also get to set the rules, boundaries, what you will and won’t do, have a safe word. Any good Dom will happily sit down and make a sort of sex contract with you, so that everything you get up to is enjoyable for everyone involved, and if having your hair pulled whilst you walk around like a little puppy is something you enjoy then that is not only fine and acceptable but can actually be really satisfying and fulfilling.

When I first started exploring becoming a submissive I did have some internal conflict, how was letting someone tie me up, whip me, force me to cum even, very feminist of me? I quickly realised that it was in fact me who asked for this, willingly, and I got off on it in a big big way. If I don't get dominated semi-regularly I can feel myself physically and mentally needing it. It might be a kind of release for me? I am a submissive in the sheets but completely and utterly a control freak bossy impossibly high standards dominant in the streets. This is why big time CEO’s, hedge fund managers, top police officials and politicians are regularly depicted as enjoying BDSM and specifically being very submissive. Like gimp mask, being trod on in impossibly high PVC thigh high stilettos, cock and ball torture and the harshest kind of verbal humiliation going, type of submissive. 

Pictured above|: Charlotte Bayes (me) ‘Bimbo’

Although this is often a ‘funny’ trope depicted in the media, it is (for legal reasons I use the word allegedly here) allegedly actually very true. It’s true for me even. As a woman I am constantly required to make a lot of decisions, financial, domestic chores, the food shopping, what’s for fucking dinner, logistical planning for trips, managing everyones meetings, doctor and dentist appointments. There is nothing I enjoy more than willingly and consensually handing over the reigns to my Dom Daddy and tell him that I no longer have any thoughts in my brain, he has to make every single decision for me now, including ensuring my safety and enjoyment, and I just do what he says without question. Now imagine you are a disgusting millionaire or even billionaire businessman, Tory MP or even a top copper. That is a lot of decision making, a lot of pressure and responsibility. What would be better to let that all go, empty your mind and let a Dom or Dominatrix take control of all your needs and desires?

Literally every single person you will meet is going to be unique, and have different tolerances and kinks and fetishes. Some might love being choked and having their hair pulled, equally that might be some people's hard no’s. They might prefer being locked in a dog cage and fed treats, or be pissed on. Who can say? There is a veritable, not so beige, buffet of things that turn people on. I have my own specific type of submission that I enjoy. Unless you want to pay me, I am not going to disclose my entire sex menu of freakish kinks and fetishes that I love and also hate, but I will tell you this; I am into everything Sabrina is doing in this album art.  I like humiliation, but I don’t like humiliation to be needlessly sadistic, more so I want to be condescended and teased and humiliated about how dumb I am. I love to be considered an empty-headed bimbo, with only two brain cells bouncing around my head. I lean in more to having my intelligence insulted. ‘You dirty slut’ is hot as fuck in the right moment, but so is just very gently calling me very dumb and silly, and being taken advantage of.

So what is my opinion on the Sabrina Carpenter album art? Some of you are acting like Mary Whitehouse or the Westboro Baptist Church to be honest. God forbid a woman likes to have her hair pulled! Owning your sexuality if you identify as a woman is a radical, formidable and persuasive act, especially in these regressive fascist times. Submissive is sexy, and contrary to belief; very powerful. Are women exploited and more heavily criticised than men in this particular field of art (and pretty much every single instance of expressing our sexuality)? Yes, very much so. 

Do I think anyone should take this album art seriously? Absofuckingnot.