Dick Appointments Q&A #1
In a new series, I answer all your sex and relationship questions
A while ago I asked the internet for their (anonymous) burning sex and relationship questions for me to answer. A sexy ‘AMA’ if you will. I am hoping to make this into a regular series for Dick Appointments, so if you are in a sexual quandary, a polycule nightmare, or just want tips on how to be better at sex, then you can ask completely anonymously here.
“Hows life been?”
Firstly, thank you to whoever asked me this! In all honesty things have been pretty bad for me recently with my mental health, and not the ‘oohh I feel a bit low’ kind of mental health and more ‘the crisis team come to my house every single day to make sure I don’t get sectioned and or die’ kind. But it turns out that taking the right sort of ADHD meds and an extreme amount of help and support from my psychiatrist and local mental health team has made things exponentially better.
I also dyed my hair brown, which I now regret and to be honest should have been a huge indicator to my friends and family that I was in mental distress! I am a blonde bimbo at heart!
“I’ve started seeing a new guy and his dick is the biggest I’ve had. How do I get used to it? Every position hurts at the mo and it’s really getting me down :( ”
As a size queen myself, I want to firstly congratulate you on this giant gift. But as someone with the vagina opening the size of a mouse, I also sympathise. Getting fucked well by a huge dick can be a very fulfilling and even transcendental experience. I personally love the feeling of being stretched out and being penetrated deeply, but in order to fully enjoy this deep fucking you do need to do some prep.
If you have a vagina, then the most important thing you need to do is be the most aroused you can be. The more aroused you are, the wetter you become, and all the right parts of your vulva and vagina become engorged, and are more receptive to stimulation. Achieve an orgasm as a result? Even better. So foreplay is an absolute must before you start shagging.
What are your personal erogenous zones? For me, I need someone to firmly play with my nipples, lightly tickle my sides and my lower back, and gently stroke my outer labia, teasing and almost edging me, making me beg for them to touch my clit. This last bit of foreplay has had me so turned on before that I begged for my clit to be touched in any way possible, even a spank! Then obviously you can lean in to your preferred method of achieving orgasm, fingering, being gone down on, scissoring, whatever takes your fancy.
If you are doing anal then the rest of the advice applies to both vaginal and anal penetration. In addition to getting you super turned on, doing some size training can definitely prepare you for the real thing. Start with a small sized dildo (or buttplug) and either you or your partner can manually fuck you with it, and then (slowly) taper up to bigger and bigger toys. Be liberal with the lube here, you can never have enough, but remember to use the right kind for the right toy. Lubelife have a great cheat sheet for this here.
As for positions, everyone is different and trial and error is probably your best bet to find what is right for you. But here are some to avoid if you are really suffering; doggy style is a no go. There is no natural padding between you and the giantadick. Usually your mons pubis will at least cushion some deep fucking, but when you are on all fours, that dick is hitting nothing and it can go as deep as possible, cervix hitting levels (if you have a vagina) which obviously sucks. The same goes for any position where there is least resistance between you and them. So, same goes for legs up missionary (putting your legs over their shoulders) and you on top, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl.
Some good positions to try are; spooning (where you are laying down, and you the little spoon and your partner fucks you from behind). Another great one is to have your partner sit upright but on their knees whilst you lay in traditional missionary and let them penetrate you by lifting you up towards them. Generally variations of missionary are going to be your safest bet for less intensity. For example, rather than wrapping your legs around your partner, try opening your legs wide like a butterfly, feet together and letting your knees drop to your sides.
Changing up the position of your anatomy to meet that massive penis might also solve a few problems. Shoving a pillow under your butt (or a specially designed wedge pillow) so that you are at a 45 degree angle, this should let them enter you at a more comfortable position for your vagina.
Lastly, lube. I cannot stress how important lube is for a smoother, more enjoyable experience whilst banging. Ideally for your situation you need something a bit thicker and longer lasting. If you are using condoms then I personally recommend Liquid Silk. If you are using a different method of contraception then my absolute favourite is Uberlube. Although safe to use with condoms, for me the feel of the lube skin to skin is what does it for me. I can’t deny that it is boujie, it looks like a little bottle of face serum, and has loads of vitamins in it that prevent any imbalances with your vaginal PH (so no thrush) and it lasts for ages. But a little goes a long way so I find that the price is justifiable. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun, so communicate what feels right or wrong for you, relax and use plenty of lube!
“Can't stop thinking about how much I want you to rim me. However since I know this is supposed to be for your wider Q&A, what do you think of the rise in "eating arse" as a trend?”
I wasn’t going to address this question as it’s quite clearly fetish farming. This person has actually directly emailed me the same question and also submitted it anonymously via Curious Cat. My guy, please desist! In the future, I won’t be responding to any fetish or kink farming messages disguised as real questions. However, as a person who loves to perform rimming, I’m happy to talk about it in a broader context, and sing its praises for the uninitiated.
To answer your question, if we are going to get technical, there hasn’t actually been a trend or rise in rimming or ‘eating arse’ - aside from a major dip during the pandemic, it’s pretty much stayed the same for five years.
Graph showing the trends for search term ‘rimming’ from 2019 - 2024
Now I am going to assume that your question comes from a straight perspective, because let me tell you, eating someone's arse is not a new thing, for example; for gay men. But rimming can be for everyone. If it is a new concept for anyone reading, then let’s go over the basics; consent, preparation and technique.
It goes without saying that before you do any sort of sexual activity you must gain consent from your partner. But when it comes to the bum, I think you really need to double down on this and very clearly communicate not only your intentions but desires too. Anal is still somewhat taboo, people feel uncomfortable with playing down there, because let’s face it, that is where poo comes out. But as a wise person once said (on a probably now 20 year old thread on livejournal rip) “if you play with fire, expect to get burnt”. Meaning that, ok so there might be a very small smidgen of poo or toilet roll sometimes. But that is ok! Reassure your partner that you just want to give (or receive) some incredibly hot pleasurable sensations and your butthole is perfect no matter what. Sex is supposed to be fun, and sometimes it’s funny! Once a partner pulled out a very long set of anal beads out of me after a very long play session and there was a perfectly round, small bit of poop on the very last bead. Rather than dying in shame, we actually laughed it off and got cleaned up.
Our anus is actually very good at self cleaning. Inside our rectum is a mucus that coats the area and not only helps, but protects it from passing poop! If you are really concerned about cleanliness then you can do a couple of things. Firstly you could douche, I think for just rimming, and for me personally, douching has always been a pain and a mess and there really isn’t a huge need for it. But if you want to feel properly squeaky clean, there are douche kits and shower head adaptors for this very thing. Do not use anything except plain warm water around your anus or up your rectum! Alternatively you can literally just use a quick wet wipe to clean up your bum, balls or vulva, or anywhere someone is getting up close and personal.
So now you have consent, your butt is squeaky clean, and you are ready to go. Like going down on anyone, in any situation, you need to get into a comfortable position, so that no one gets a neck ache and you can relax and spread your cheeks with ease. Some good ones for maximum access are, a traditional ‘69’, on all fours doggy styles, prone, on your back (add a pillow for elevation) or even a good old fashioned face sitting. There is no ‘correct’ way to rim someone, but you can use your tongue and lips to stimulate around the butthole, slowly, firmly, increasing speed and pressure, swapping from the flat of your tongue to the tip. Alternating with sticking the tip of your tongue inside the hole, fast or slow, flicking back and forth. Make sure to communicate with each other so you can both achieve the most amount of pleasure possible.
I hope that you enjoyed the first Dick Appointments Q&A! If you have a sex or relationship question you want answered, you can do so anonymously here
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